Selective perspective is a term that I use for the way we filter our reality, based on our assumptions. Everyone observes differently, and your way of thinking influences what you see.
In the first place, your way of thinking influences how you see others. If you think bad about yourself, then you will filter out all the stuff that confirms this, and only see them. A person with jugdement is never able to see the world as it is. You are narrowing you mind to these observations, and spend the rest of the time thinking about these observations, instead of making new observations that can disprove your former.
Also when you are allready making judgements, you are emitting them in your facial expression, body language and therefor your energy, into the world. And obviously people are going to respond to that. Not everyone will be able to greet you nicely if you are carrying a wall around you that says: I do not trust you. You cannot expect love and openness from everyone if you you are not giving it back. I see this is really hard, and i've also dealt with this for quite some time. That's why i'm writing about it. When I realized that I was judging other people that they we're judging me. I could finally see that it was me all along. Judging myself and therefor others.
So how can you stop this cycle, when you finallly realised this?
First, you have to learn how to get control over your own thoughts again. And realise that you are the one feeding them. This you can do by conciously observing your thought wherever you go. This might seem impossible and at first you will catch yourself slipping into unconciously judging. But you will also reconise your fears, when they start to appear. And when they start to appear, you need to try to stay calm. Fear is our instinct to survive, our alarm for when we are in danger. And for some people this alarm is going of to often. So whenever you feel this fear come up. Start asking yourself these questions: First: Am I in actual danger (is your life at stake)? This is the first that will calm you down. Cause in the most cases, you won't. After this one, you have to challenge yourself to observe the situation objectively. As if you weren't involved. Try to zoom out. Try not to be emotionally attached to the situation. Try to tell yourself that this moment will be just a brief moment of your life. And then ask yourself: how real is my observation? What is my body language telling? Are there any memories that are popping up, and why? What is triggering the emotion that i'm having? This can be really confronting, but remember, you are the one creating your observation, and the one selecting your thoughts. Whenever you get too anxious, try to focus on something you feel safe by. When your in the supermarket, try obsessivly focus on things you like most, when your outside try to focus on the leaves of the trees. Or the birds singing. But if your fed up with feeling anxious, try to put the situations your experiencing in perspective. If someone is not threating you so well, and you came to the conlusion that you are also not emitting any negative energy to them. Then try imagening that this doesn't have anything to do with you. You are no victim. You are just the reciever. And this person might have had a really rough day at work, or might be in the mitst of a devorce, or might even experience the same anciety as yours, but expressing it in a completely different manner. This will give you tremendous freedom, and suddenly you do not blame yourself for every negative experience you have with people anymore. And you'l actually start to ephasize with people you have never ephasized with before.
After this you will see that you become lighter in your head, and that you'll want to think nice about other people.
If you completely want to let go of negative judgement I reccoment to "punish" yourself whenever you have a bad thought about someone, to justify it with also a positive thought. After a while you will do this automatticaly, and actually you will learn a lot about yourself also. Often bad thoughts on others are a reflection of the things you don't like about yourself.
